While us humans desperately attempt to slow the ravages of time with heady cocktails of pills, superstition and surgery, the common lobster just chillaxes in the deep – never aging, just growing.

Their bodies don’t become frail over time, they don’t need medical intervention to keep their hearts beating, and they don’t even lose their potency between the sheets (or should that be ‘shells’? Either way it’s a disgusting thought… pincers everywhere, beady eyes looking on).

So the key to lobster longevity is an enzyme called telomerase. This sounds like an artificial sweetener used in the production of Haribo’s incrediballz ‘Tang-fastic’ range, but it isn’t. Sadly.

Essentially, telomerase repairs lobster DNA, and production of telomerase doesn’t decline with age (as it does in humans). The only things standing in the way of immortality for our lobster pals are predators and our growling stomachs.

Lobsters have no need for a private client lawyer. You, on the other hand, do.

Get your affairs in order. Create a power of attorney to ensure you’re looked after should something happen to you during your lifetime. Get that paid-off mortgage discharged from your title deeds. Create a living will to cover how you want to be treated should ill-health strike. Plan how you want your assets to be distributed once you’re no longer here.

Or, take me out for a delicious seafood banquet at an expensive restaurant. If you’re feeling particularly vengeful in light of this blog post, order lobster and console yourself with the thought that even though you’ll never live forever, neither will that particular lobster.